CO-PARENTING COUNSELING.

A CHILD-FRIENDLY path to a new family.

CO-PARENTING

​FOR PARENTS WHO ARE DIVORCED OR NOT LIVING TOGETHER

Co-Parenting Counseling is a specialized form of counseling for parents who are in the process of getting divorced, already divorced, or no longer living together and recognize that raising children can become a daunting task.

 

Communicating about, negotiating over and caring for the children are areas filled with potential conflict. It is easy for parents to make the assumption that, when things aren't going well with their children, it is the other parent's fault. It is easy for old conflicts to re-surface.

 

Unfortunately parents usually resort to relying on the court to resolve the disagreement. This has the risk of exacerbating the conflict. Sadly, it's the children who are often lost in the conflict and  find themselves caught in a web of arguments.



MODELING CONFLICT RESOLUTION

There is an extensive catalog of research that reports that children thrive when the adults can model effective conflict resolution strategies. If we realize that the most important job a parent has is the successful raising of their children, we can begin to look at co-parenting as a business partnership.

 

Parents must develop skills similar to a business partnership. An inability to manage conflict undermines the children's well being and makes the parents unhappy.

 

Parents who continue to be preoccupied with anger, resentment and contempt are unable to successfully move on with their lives. I will help you find ways to release some of this anger and resentment so you can channel your energy into being more loving and functional parents for your children.



RESPONDING TO A COURT ORDER



Many parents are referred to Co-parenting Counseling as part of a court order. These parents can sometimes arrive battered from the legal conflict they have been experiencing.

 

Working with clients in this situation, I help them develop stress management skills that would help de-escalate the situation before jumping into the goal-setting stage.

 

Sometimes the focus for these families is to help develop strategies for sharing information and work out details of the parenting plan. Other times the court orders the parents to develop the parenting plan with the assistance of a co-parent counselor.



A CO-PARENTING PLAN

 

I assist parents in developing the co-parenting plan, an agreement of where, when and how the children will be living. I also help parents have conversations about health, special needs of the children, educational issues, extracurricular activities and rest.

 

It is important to:



  • Consider your children’s ages, personalities, experiences, and abilities. Every child is unique. Adjust your plan to your children, NOT your children to your plan.
     

  • Give your children regular, consistent times with each of you for day-to-day care, overnights, activities, schoolwork, vacations, and holidays. Since their world has been turned upside-down, your children will thrive with structure.
     

  • Give your co-parenting plan enough detail so it is easy to understand and act upon. Being overly general, tends to lead to arguments. Using a software tool like CustodyXchange, can help tremendously.
     

  • Give your children a sense of security by feeling secure yourself. Children soak up the vibe in the house. The better you get along with your ex, the more secure your children will feel.
     

If you would like to discuss co-parenting issues with me, please give me a call. 

--- PLEASE KNOW THAT I DO NOT PROVIDE DIVORCE MEDIATION. THIS IS A SPECIALTY THAT IS BEYOND THE SCOPE OF MY PRACTICE.
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Books for Children – Divorce
 
Young Children - (Ages 4-9)

  • Mama and Daddy Bear’s Divorce

  • Cornelia Maude Spelman
     

  • Dinosaurs Divorce (ages 4-9)

  • Lauren Krasny and Mark Brown
     

  • Two Homes

  • Claire Masurel
     

  • Arthur and the 1,001 Dads

  • Marc Tolon Brown
     

  • Help Me Understand:  A Child’s Book About Divorce  (Christian)

  • Amy Ross Munford

Children - Ages 7-12
 
  • Ginny Morris and Mom’s House, Dad’s House

  • Mary Collins Gallager
     

  • Amber Brown Goes Forth

  • Paula Danzinger
     

  • The Day My Mother Left

  • James Prosek
     

  • Kaline Katter master’s Tree House

  • Haven Kimmel
     

  • It’s Not the End of the World

  • Judy Blume
     

  • Don’t Make Me Smile

  • Barbara Park
     

  • Taking Sides

  • Norma Klein
     

  • My Parents are Divorced, Too: A Book for Kids by Kids

  • Jan Blackstone-Ford
     

  • Don’t Fall Apart on Saturday’s: The Children’s Divorce-Survival Book

  • Norma Klein
     

  • What Makes Me Feel This Way?

  • Eda LeShan
     

Teenagers
 
  • Gateway

  • Lee Robinson
     

  • How it Feels When Parents Divorce

  • Jill Krementz
     

  • Healing the Hurt, Help for Teenagers Whose Parents Are Divorced  (Christian)

  • Mildred Tickfer
     

  • Divorce is Not the End of the World:  Zoe’s and Evan’s Coping Guide for Kids

  • Zoe and Evan Stern
     

  • Dear Mr. Henshaw  (Novel)

  • Beverly Cleary

COVID-19 custody exchanges. What rights do divorced parents have? Divorce Lawyer Explains

Voice of the Child of Divorce

Successful Co-Parenting A Child's View

Tips for Successful Co-parenting - Coparenting Quadrant

Deena Stacer

Co-Parenting as Allies, not Adversaries | Ebony Roberts & Shaka Senghor | TEDxDetroit

Dr. Phil Gives Exes Advice for Co-Parenting

Co-Parenting With A Controlling Ex

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If you are in crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, a free, 24-hour hotline at 1.800.273.8255.  If your issue is an emergency, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.  Dr. Motro does not offer crisis counseling or emergency services.

Dr. Harry Motro, Marriage Counselor, is an employee of Harry Motro, Psy.D., Marriage and Family Therapist, P.C., (a Professional Corporation), which does business as the Couples Recovery CenterCouples Recovery Center provides specialized couples counseling and includes the following professionals:
 

 

If you are interested in joining our team, apply here.

 

Dr. Motro practices at 3880 South Bascom Drive, Suite 111, San Jose, CA,95124, is Licensed as a Marriage Family Therapist MFC 53452 and authorized to act as a Psychotherapist providing Psychotherapy. He specializes in Couples Counseling. In addition to dealing with couples and relationship issues, Dr. Motro is trained to treat anxiety, panic attacks, post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, bi-polar, ADHD, Asperger's, sex difficulties, anger regulation issues, affair fallout, divorce recovery, self-esteem, addiction, co-dependency, trauma, abuse, eating disorders, and managing grief and loss. These issues often arise in couples counseling and will be dealt with as part of your therapy. If you search for counseling San Jose, marriage counselor San Jose, couples counselor San Jose, psychotherapy San Jose, psychotherapist San Jose, therapist San Jose, counselor San Jose, couples therapist San Jose, couples counselor San Jose, marriage therapy San Jose, life coach San Jose, career coach San Jose, executive coach San Jose, you can find Dr. Harry Motro's web site. In addition to serving San Jose, Harry serves clients in Campbell, Los Gatos, Saratoga, Willow Glen, Milpitas, Mountain View, Monte Sereno, Cupertino, Scotts Valley, Felton, Sunnyvale, Morgan Hill, Fremont, Los Altos, and Gilroy, California. Dr. Motro also provides  Mountain Bike Therapy. The recommendations on this website do not constitute professional advice, substitute for professional treatment, or establish a therapeutic relationship.

Harry Motro, Psy.D., Marriage and Family Therapist, P.C., www.harrymotro.com, harrymotro@gmail.com, 408 823 2822.

Dr. Harry Motro © 2009 - 2020. All rights reserved.