Affair Recovery: End All Contact

If your affair has recently been discovered by your spouse, or if you have recently disclosed it to him, and the decision has been made to try to recover from the affair, it can be overwhelming to know what to do next.


An important first step is to END ALL CONTACT using the guidelines below.


Be certain to include the hurt partner in all communications with the affair partner by having him listen in on the ending call or by reading the final email/text. There is a freedom in this, since it is an opportunity for the two of you to come together as a united front, in the healing of your marriage. It also speaks emphatically to the third party that you are serious about ending the affair.



Areas that need to be considered for no contact are:


  • Text, telephone or email. Block all phone numbers and email addresses from your devices. This helps you avoid any temptation of reaching out to your affair partner in addition to limiting the chances that your affair partner can contact you as easily as he had in the past. You may need to consider changing your own phone numbers and email addresses if the affair partner tries to contact you.


  • Work. If the affair involved a co-worker, if at all possible, consider changing jobs or at least changing positions within your workplace. It is very difficult for your husband to heal, knowing that you are in contact with the other person. Should there be no way around the work situation, I can provide counsel regarding these situations. 


  • Social Media. If this was a source of connection with your affair partner, or is problem for your spouse, shut down the social media accounts. At, minimum, there are settings on most social media sites that allow you to block the other person. On Facebook, not only is a blocked person restricted from ever finding your profile, it also makes it impossible for you to search them up in a moment of weakness.


Change begins by taking the first step.
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If you are in crisis, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, a free, 24-hour hotline at 1.800.273.8255.  If your issue is an emergency, call 911 or go to your nearest emergency room.  Dr. Motro does not offer crisis counseling or emergency services.


Dr. Harry Motro, Marriage Counselor, is an employee of Harry Motro, Psy.D., Marriage and Family Therapist, P.C., (a Professional Corporation), which does business as the Couples Recovery Center. Dr. Motro practices at 3880 South Bascom Drive, Suite 216, San Jose, CA,95124, is Licensed as a Marriage Family Therapist MFC 53452 and authorized to act as a Psychotherapist providing Psychotherapy. He specializes in Couples Counseling. In addition to dealing with couples and relationship issues, Dr. Motro is trained to treat anxiety, panic attacks, post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, bi-polar, ADHD, Asperger's, sex difficulties, anger regulation issues, affair fallout, divorce recovery, self-esteem, addiction, co-dependency, trauma, abuse, eating disorders, and managing grief and loss. These issues often arise in couples counseling and will be dealt with as part of your therapy. If you search for counseling San Jose, marriage counselor San Jose, couples counselor San Jose, psychotherapy San Jose, psychotherapist San Jose, therapist San Jose, counselor San Jose, couples therapist San Jose, couples counselor San Jose, marriage therapy San Jose, life coach San Jose, career coach San Jose, executive coach San Jose, you can find Dr. Harry Motro's web site. In addition to serving San Jose, Harry serves clients in Campbell, Los Gatos, Saratoga, Willow Glen, Milpitas, Mountain View, Monte Sereno, Cupertino, Scotts Valley, Felton, Sunnyvale, Morgan Hill, Fremont, Los Altos, and Gilroy, California. Dr. Motro also provides  Mountain Bike Therapy. The recommendations on this website do not constitute professional advice, substitute for professional treatment, or establish a therapeutic relationship.

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